Things have been chaotic and a little rough this past week. On a technical level, it's just been a whirlwind. I've been going absolutely crazy trying to gather last minute clothing and toiletry items, trying to work inconceivable miracles when it comes to my suitcase, and making sure I understand all the basics in terms of money, safety, etc. Trying to keep it all straight in my head has been just ridiculous- I'm convinced it's impossible.
The emotional side is a whole new story. The emotional roller coaster that I've been on this week has been.. well.. interesting. Towards the beginning of the week, I was doing rather well and I was actually pretty impressed with myself for not falling into a sentimental coma that kept me from getting any real work done. I tend to be more on the emotional side, so naturally I expected constant crying, hugging and regret at ever applying to do this semester abroad in the first place. When that didn't happen, I found myself relieved but at the same time a little confused- even worried. I wondered if I was still in the fantasy state of mind. Maybe I was still thinking of this as a game. Or maybe I was just too busy to think about leaving home. Or maybe, just maybe, I was more mature than I thought I was. Whatever was going on, it just didn't seem right that I was leaving home in a week and I was going about things like everything was fine. It's not my personality and it just wasn't what I expected.
Well perhaps I psyched myself up too much or maybe it was just a delayed reaction, but of course, the nerves came followed by random break downs and tears. It was bound to happen. But with only a few hours left, I really have nothing that I can do about it but man up and let what happens happen. It's all God's Will anyways. One thing that I'm beginning to see right off the bat is how faithful He is. I can't even begin to explain how much He has protected and provided for me and this process has just highlighted all that.
So the emotion and nerves have gotten to me- big time. But somewhere deep down there's some excitement. It may not show itself until I'm a week or so into the trip, but at least I know it's there. Everything is a complete mix between grief over leaving and excitement over the trip of a lifetime. I'm going to live in a country I've always wanted to go to, I'm rooming with one of my best friends, I'm studying at one of the best and most beautiful universities in the world, and my friends and family are just a phone call away. It can't get any better than that.. right?
So that's it...tomorrow I leave. Next time you hear from me I'll be bundled up in my British flat, sipping British tea, and I'll officially be an Oxford student!
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