Gentlemen to Bed! For Tomorrow we Fly...

24 hours away and it still hasn't completely hit me. It's a little more real now then it was when I last posted, but I just still can't wrap my head around the idea that I'm moving to England tomorrow.

Things have been chaotic and a little rough this past week. On a technical level, it's just been a whirlwind. I've been going absolutely crazy trying to gather last minute clothing and toiletry items, trying to work inconceivable miracles when it comes to my suitcase, and making sure I understand all the basics in terms of money, safety, etc. Trying to keep it all straight in my head has been just ridiculous- I'm convinced it's impossible.

The emotional side is a whole new story. The emotional roller coaster that I've been on this week has been.. well.. interesting. Towards the beginning of the week, I was doing rather well and I was actually pretty impressed with myself for not falling into a sentimental coma that kept me from getting any real work done. I tend to be more on the emotional side, so naturally I expected constant crying, hugging and regret at ever applying to do this semester abroad in the first place. When that didn't happen, I found myself relieved but at the same time a little confused- even worried. I wondered if I was still in the fantasy state of mind. Maybe I was still thinking of this as a game. Or maybe I was just too busy to think about leaving home. Or maybe, just maybe, I was more mature than I thought I was. Whatever was going on, it just didn't seem right that I was leaving home in a week and I was going about things like everything was fine. It's not my personality and it just wasn't what I expected.

Well perhaps I psyched myself up too much or maybe it was just a delayed reaction, but of course, the nerves came followed by random break downs and tears. It was bound to happen. But with only a few hours left, I really have nothing that I can do about it but man up and let what happens happen. It's all God's Will anyways. One thing that I'm beginning to see right off the bat is how faithful He is. I can't even begin to explain how much He has protected and provided for me and this process has just highlighted all that.

So the emotion and nerves have gotten to me- big time. But somewhere deep down there's some excitement. It may not show itself until I'm a week or so into the trip, but at least I know it's there. Everything is a complete mix between grief over leaving and excitement over the trip of a lifetime. I'm going to live in a country I've always wanted to go to, I'm rooming with one of my best friends, I'm studying at one of the best and most beautiful universities in the world, and my friends and family are just a phone call away. It can't get any better than that.. right?

So that's it...tomorrow I leave. Next time you hear from me I'll be bundled up in my British flat, sipping British tea, and I'll officially be an Oxford student!

No Longer Just a Fantasy

I knew this was coming, but at the same time, something told me it wasn't real. When I got accepted to study abroad at Oxford University nearly six months ago I was beyond excited. I wanted to shout it to the world and run down the street and tell strangers that passed me by. Going to England was something I had dreamed and fantasized about since I was a kid and not only was I moving there for four months, I was going to study at one of the most prestigious and well respected universities in the entire world! It was too good to be true!

And for a long time, I think I went through the process with that mindset. I was in such shock that this had happened, that reality had never gotten the opportunity to sink in and therefore I treated the preparations like a game. It was like I was playing a grown-up version of a child-like fantasy and everyone else in my life just happened to be playing along. There was no possible way that I could really be moving to England to study at Oxford. Me...the girl who has never left home, still sleeps with a stuffed animal (yes, for the sake of emphasis, I admit it), and does very little in terms of social activities? This just seemed way too out of my reach.

And now I leave a week from tomorrow and my mind still hasn't fully comprehended the idea. The suitcase is laying open on my bed, clothes are thrown all over my room, books and papers are gathered all over the house... I'm scrambling to gather it all at the last minute but I'm also still in disbelief that this is really happening. I'm waiting to wake up or for someone to say surprise. But what if nothing happens? In one week I'm going to leave my family for the first time and I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. Needless to say, I'm nothing but a bundle of nerves right now as the reality is starting to slowly sink in.

But at the same time, I have to remember that this was a choice I made. I chose to move to England for four months and apply to Oxford. I'm going to be forced into a new, more adult lifestyle and it's time to start recognizing that as a reality. This is something I have to do. It'll be much more than a chance to grow academically. Let's hope it'll be a great maturing experience as well.

So here are the basics: Right now I'm a Junior at Eastern University in Pennsylvania. I'm spending the Spring 2012 semester at Oxford University (through the Oxford Study Abroad Programme) as a member of New College. I'm taking two one-on-one tutorials: one in Shakespeare and one in Jane Austen. This blog is meant to document all my travels and experiences while I'm away (specifically for all my friends and family at home). I'll do my best to post as often as I can and I'll add pictures too (cause I know that's what everyone really cares about). So hopefully you all enjoy! Thanks for reading!